September 2004 Archives

"So my country can be free..."

Damn! That Borat character is funny!

What? This is for real? Oh.

The following dispatch, recorded and translated by MEMRI's TV Monitor Project, are excerpts from a show on Saudi Arabia's IQRA TV Channel, which featured "man on the street" interviews about feelings about Jews.

Interviewer: 'Would You, as a Human Being, be Willing to Shake Hands with a Jew?'

Respondent 2: "No. Because the Jews are eternal enemies. The murderous Jews violate all agreements. I can't shake hands with someone who I know is full of hatred towards me."

Of course this is a trick question: Jews don't have hands, they have cloven hooves.

MEMRI: Latest News

Debate & switch

Although the Bush and Kerry camps have meticulously crafted an agreement on the rules for this year's presidential debates, the television networks broadcasting them refuse to go along with the plans.

Specifically, the networks object to provisions in the agreement that place limits on their cameras, including prohibitions on shots of one candidate while the other is answering questions.

Presumably to avoid embarrassing shots of the President reading messages from Cheney on his BlackBerry or of Kerry aides applying WD-40 to his joints. - Networks balk at Bush-Kerry debate agreement - Sep 29, 2004

Au revoir

Sad and heartsick.

Major League officials are congratulating themselves today but the announcement that the Montreal Expos are moving to Washington, D.C. is a colossal failure and a downright shame. - MLB - Caple: Le pew!

Montreal didn't let the Expos down--MLB did. As in any city, fans came out to support a winner, then dwindled in number when the team lost. As one terrible ownership group transitioned to another, Expos fans endured endless assaults on the viability of their team, their stadium, their players, their city and themselves, from Major League Baseball and their team's owners. As word spread of a possible move, fans staged rallies, voiced their opinions, showed up to cheer their team. Eventually--long past the point at which most rational people would have thrown in the towel--Montreal baseball fans decided they'd had enough of being toyed with and laughed at.

Baseball Prospectus | Articles | Au Revoir, Mes Amours

Post traumatic...

Are they succeeding at making Kerry look like an idiot, or just their readers?

September 29, 2004 -- John Kerry has suddenly become the man with a tan that even George Hamilton would envy — leading to accusations that something is shady just before the big presidential debate.

New York Post Online Edition: news

Gone fission

Wow. Good thing all that chaos in Iraq has been sorted out and Iran isn't a mullah-driven nuclear threat anymore. Gives the man at the top more time to "polish his zingers."

Bush planned a low-profile day at his Crawford, Texas, ranch Tuesday, "crystallizing" his thoughts on policy and sharpening zingers, Bartlett said.

The ranch has an important mind-clearing effect, he said.

"I'm sure some of the best zingers he's given have been (written) out there with a fishing pole in his hands," Bartlett said. - Bush: Iran 'won't have a nuclear weapon' - Sep 28, 2004

New York Putz

IT has taken more than 40 years since Edward R. Murrow's retirement for CBS to wreck the brand name Morrow created for the network's news department.

New York Post Online Edition: postopinion

Bible thumping

"Peace be with you. Now, you wanna piece of this, heretic?"

"Jesus died for you. Now eat rosary, Franciscan punk!"

Fistfights broke out yesterday between Christians gathered on the site of the crucifixion and burial of Jesus Christ.

"There was lots of hitting going on. Police were hit, monks were hit ... there were people with bloodied faces," said a witness in the Church of the Holy Sepulchre in Jerusalem, reputed to be Golgotha where Christ was crucified, and the site of the tomb where he was buried.

Guardian Unlimited | Special reports | Punch-up at tomb of Jesus

It's Morning in Iraq

Rose Garden press conference with Iraqi intermim prime minister Allawi.

PRESIDENT BUSH: I saw a poll that said the right track/wrong track in Iraq was better than here in America. (Chuckles....)

He then went on to say "Seriously, though? You people think you're worse off than those Iraqi bastards? We're occupying them summbitches! We got running water and a working electrical grid. What's wrong with you?"

I agree: I'm not the expert on how the Iraqi people think, because I live in America, which is nice, safe and secure.

He added "Unlike Iraq, which looks pretty crazy violent from what I see on TV. Sure glad I'm not this guy." (Gestures to Allawi.)

I'm also optimistic that people would choose freedom over tyranny every time. That's what I believe.

In response to an off-mic question, the president said "What? No, I don't see the irony in that."

Bush, Allawi Remarks at White House

Electile Dysfunction

Secretary Rumsfeld...theorized before another Capitol Hill hearing on Thursday that elections might be held in only "three-quarters or four-fifths of the country" because some regions are not yet secure enough.

"So be it," Mr. Rumsfeld said. "Nothing's perfect in life."

Rumsfeld is, of course, invoking the little known "Cliche Clause" of the Bush Doctrine. He could also have used section 3—"I'm Rubber and You're Glue"—on Kofi Annan when he called the Iraq war "illegal", and section 10&mdash"Takes One to Know One"—every time al-Qaeda calls the US "infidels" on al-Jazeera.

The New York Times--State Dept. Says Iraq Elections Must Be Held in All Regions


For two years, the US military held captive a terrorist mind so fiendish, an enemy so diabolical, the only thing they could do with him was...send him home.

Yaser E. Hamdi, an American citizen captured in Afghanistan and once deemed so dangerous that the American military held him incommunicado for more than two years as an enemy combatant, will be freed and allowed to return to Saudi Arabia in the next few days, officials said Wednesday.

After weeks of negotiations over his release, lawyers for the Justice Department and Mr. Hamdi announced an agreement requiring him to renounce his American citizenship. The agreement also bars him from leaving Saudi Arabia for a time and requires him to report possible terrorist activity, his lawyer said, although legal analysts said the arrangement would be difficult for the United States to enforce.

Any time Hamdi feels like he might terrorize, he has to call his sponsor?

The New York Times--U.S., Bowing to Court, to Free 'Enemy Combatant'

Snivelling tweekers

Stuffy nose? Itchy, watery eyes? Better have some ID: Indiana's going to join Oklahoma in moving decongestants behind the counter.

Over-the-counter drugs such as Sudafed don't just cure stuffy noses.

They also contain pseudoephedrine, a key ingredient used to make the highly addictive methamphetamine.

State Rep. Trent Van Haaften, D-Mt. Vernon, said today he will introduce legislation -- modeled after an Oklahoma law -- that would place dozens of cold medicines behind a pharmacy counter. Anyone wanting cold and allergy medicines that contain pseudoephedrine would have to show identification and sign for it.

"There has to be a time when we start demonstrating the seriousness of this problem," Van Haaften said.

Nothing says "serious" like "pharmacist."

Meth task force: Limit access to cold medicines (kudos to Hit & Run)

The Republican Party acknowledged yesterday sending mass mailings to residents of two states warning that "liberals" seek to ban the Bible. It said the mailings were part of its effort to mobilize religious voters for President Bush.

The mailings include images of the Bible labeled "banned" and of a gay marriage proposal labeled "allowed." A mailing to Arkansas residents warns: "This will be Arkansas if you don't vote." A similar mailing was sent to West Virginians.

The New York Times--Republicans Admit Mailing Campaign Literature Saying Liberals Will Ban the Bible

After not ignoring repeated warnings of al-Qaeda sleeper cells planning attacks in the US, Condoleeza Rice says she also did not ignore reports of abuses in US military prisons in Iraq, Afghanistan, and Cuba.

Among the the warnings to which she didn't not pay attention:

Rice said that in the fall of 2002, the White House "was made aware that there were some concerns that people might have been held at Guantanamo who didn't meet the definition of unlawful combatant.

"There were also early on ... some concerns about conditions of overcrowding. But nothing that suggested, to my recollection, that there were abuses ... going on at Guantanamo, and certainly nothing that would suggest the kind of thing that went on in Abu Ghraib," she said, referring to the infamous Iraqi prison.

But, according to the New York Times, a new book says Rice not only knew about the trouble at Camp X-Ray, but discussed the matter with Secretary of Defence Donald Rumsfeld:

Mr. Hersh asserts that a Central Intelligence Agency analyst who visited the detention center at Guantánamo Bay, Cuba, in the late summer of 2002 filed a report of abuses there that drew the attention of Gen. John A. Gordon, a deputy to Condoleezza Rice, the White House national security adviser.

But when General Gordon called the matter to her attention and she discussed it with other senior officials, including Defense Secretary Donald H. Rumsfeld, no significant change resulted.

To be fair to Dr Rice, there's a lot to not ignore in her job, and so little time to not do anything about it.

Still better than Cosmo

Islamic extremists have launched a new jihadist web magazine, named al-Khansa, aimed at women. Finally, a magazine whose editor is more evil than Anna Wintour Helen Gurley Brown Bonnie Fuller Martha Stewart Bonnie Fuller.

According to the BBC:

The aim of the magazine is to show women how to reconcile the apparent contradiction of fighting jihad while maintaining family life.

The main objective seems to be to teach women married to radical Islamists how to support their husbands.

Also featured in the premier edition, a story entitled "Summer Burquas: Black is the New Black," eye makeup tips that'll really let you go unnoticed by men, and handy how-to tips for "Dynamite Abs in 10 Days!"

The magazine also aims to nourish the soul of today's lady jihadi. Their al-Khansa Book Club selection this month is "No Books—Education is Wasted on Women." They also feature inspirational tidbits to get you through the day. This example from the BBC:

One of its encouragements to jihad reads: "The blood of our husbands and the body parts of our children are our sacrificial offering."